The Episode That Never Was
by Sophia Hawkins
Summary: In a 1983 episode of "Diff'rent Strokes", an episode of "The A-Team" was being filmed in the Drummond penthouse. If the episode had actually been made, what would it have been like? Here's one possibility.
1. Chapter 1

The Episode that Never Was

Author's note: During the 'Mr. T and mr. t' episode of "Diff'rent Strokes", it was announced that they would be shooting scenes for an episode of "The A-Team" in the Drummond's penthouse apartment. Naturally no such episode was ever made, but I got to thinking, if it had, what would it be like? This started out as an answer to that, but over the course of the story, certain liberties are taken that don't strictly follow the A-Team's formula, I hope the readers will enjoy it all the same.

"Ah! Here it is, New York, New York, the city so nice they named it twice, the Big Apple, the city that never sleeps! _If I can—make it here! I'll make it-anywhere! It's up to—_"

"I don't know how much more of this I can take, Hannibal," Face murmured to their leader as he leaned over towards the front seat of the van.

"Me either," B.A. grunted as he steered the wheel one way and the other, before he finally hit the brakes and made the tires screech to a sudden stop outside a supermarket. He turned halfway in his seat and told the others, "Make sure nobody steals my van, I'll be right back."

"No problem," Hannibal called cheerily after B.A., and once the Sergeant had disappeared past the automatic doors of the store, he turned to look back at Face and added, "Who'd _want_ it?"

Face hung his head low and shook it, "3 days on the road with B.A. ranting and raving and Murdock singing, next time just knock _me_ out and stick me on a plane."

Murdock stopped singing and snapping his fingers in mid-song and said to the others, "The angry mudsucker's sure been acting different lately, ain't he?"

"I guess you could say that," Hannibal replied as he fished a cigar out of his pocket and bit off the end of it.

"Guess you could say it?" Face repeated, "He's the one who forced us onto this mission and wouldn't even tell us what it's about. 3 days on the road going from one coast to the other with almost _no_ idea why."

"Where B.A.'s concerned, his girlfriend being in trouble is all the explanation he needs," Murdock spoke up, "The Big Guy's sentimental like that."

"Hey Hannibal," Face picked his head up as he thought of something, "Come to think of it, how many times _has_ it been in the last 10 years that B.A.'s actually _had_ a girlfriend?"

"Hmmm," Hannibal mumbled over his cigar as he lit it, "Tough call…as far as we know, he sure hasn't had too many of them, of course who has?"

"Consider who you're asking the question to, Colonel," Murdock replied.

Hannibal gave a small smirk in response to the pilot's comment.

"It _does_ seem strange though that we've _never_ met this woman before," Face said.

"Well B.A.'s only known her a couple months, and they were only together for a couple weeks before she had to come back here to New York, 3,000 miles is one hell of a long distance relationship," Hannibal responded.

"All the more reason it's strange he'd be so ga-ga over her when she's not even there," Face said.

Murdock grinned like a naughty boy as he leaned over towards the front seats and said to Hannibal, "Sure has been funny watching him go all googly over her though, hasn't it? The big angry mudsucker reduced to a puddle of pudding over…"

"Melissa, Melissa," the three men said in unison in a cat-call singsong tone, mocking the way their Sergeant had been carrying on about his girlfriend over the past couple months, and had a good laugh at the whole thing.

"Still, it seems unnatural we've never even seen a picture of her," Face said, "We don't even know what she looks like."

"I have to agree with Faceman," Murdock told Hannibal, "In fact, I'm a bit worried that she may not even exist, I think my blood brother is starting to go insane."

"Why would that bother you, Murdock?" Hannibal asked, "Aren't _you_ insane?"

"Yeah but I'm a _fun_ insane, this would just be a _sad_ insane."

"How do you differentiate?" Face asked Murdock.

"Well you see…"

"Cool it, guys," Hannibal looked out the window and saw B.A. was coming back.

"That didn't take long," Face commented as B.A. slipped back into the driver's side and pulled the door shut behind him.

"Didn't have much to pick up," B.A. replied, and turned in his seat so he was facing Murdock, who suddenly looked apprehensive at the Sergeant's return, "Since you ain't gonna shut up about the Big Apple, I'm gonna give it to you."

Hannibal and Face sat back and watched as B.A. reached over to the backseat and rammed a large red apple into Murdock's mouth, effectively gagging him with the fruit.

"What time's the luau, Murdock?" Face couldn't resist asking.

The muffled response around the apple didn't sound too amused by Face's question.

"Help him, Face," Hannibal told his Lieutenant, then switched his attention to his Staff Sergeant, "Well now that things are a little quieter around here, maybe we can talk business. Remind me again B.A. _why_ we had to travel 3,000 miles…_drive_ on top of it, not take a commercial jet that would've had us there in 18 hours, but _drive_, from Los Angeles to New York, for your girlfriend?"

"Hey Hannibal," B.A. grunted, "You know I don't fly, and I didn't give you _any_ chance to knock me out and put me on a plane this time, sucker."

"So noted," Hannibal replied, "But why are we making this trip? Exactly what's going on?"

"That's the thing, I don't know," B.A. told him.

"You don't _know_?" the other three men asked as Murdock just managed to dislodge the large piece of apple that had gotten trapped between his teeth.

B.A. kept his eyes on the road but his head moved slightly to one side and the other as he explained, "She called a few days ago and sounded strange, I don't know what's going on but I got the impression she couldn't talk freely, like some sucker was right there with her."

"If that's the case," Face said.

"We might be getting set up for a kill," Hannibal finished the thought for him.

"Thanks, Hannibal," Face replied before promptly falling back in his seat.

"You gotta know Melissa like I do," B.A. said, "She wouldn't do that, she just needs our help."

"But she didn't care to mention _what_ she needs our help for, did she?" Hannibal asked.

"_No_," B.A. answered in his 'no further questions' tone.

Hannibal merely shrugged and responded, "Wouldn't be the first time."

"That's why we ain't flying," B.A. told Hannibal, "Before we left I made sure we had _everything_ in this van that we'd need on the job. Ain't no sucker gonna get the drop on us."

"That's _very_ good planning, B.A.," Murdock offered, "_Always_ be prepared, just like in the Boy Scouts. Probably packed everything including the kitchen sink, huh?"

"Shut up you crazy fool," B.A. eyeballed Murdock's reflection in the rear view mirror.

"Where exactly are we going anyway?" Face asked.

Hannibal pulled up a map of the city from the floor of the van and looked to where it had been marked, "According to this," he turned the map every which way to find the right side up, "If I'm reading this right," he added, "We're looking for a high rise in the 600 block of West 42nd Street in Manhattan." They hit a speed bump and got knocked around in the van and Hannibal added, "But I could be wrong."

Face leaned over to read the map and saw what B.A. had scribbled by the marked destination, "Your girlfriend lives in the penthouse apartment?"

"No, the floor below," B.A. answered, "But she told me that nobody's occupying the penthouse right now incase we need to use it."

"Well _that_ was considerate of her," Face said.

Hannibal looked to B.A. and asked in a borderline commanding officer tone, "Exactly how is it that she knows so much about us and how we work and we know nothing about her? Exactly _what_ all did you tell her, B.A.?"

"Hey Hannibal," B.A. replied in a threatening tone, "Don't think I don't know where you' going with that."

"Well then?"

"I _know_ we can trust her," B.A. told him, "You'll see."

"I certainly hope so," Hannibal said, "I'd hate to think we wasted our whole weekend and traveled from coast to coast just to wind up with Lynch throwing us a surprise party."

"I hate surprise parties," Murdock groaned, "Especially when I don't know about them."

"How long's it going to take us to get to this high rise?" Face asked Hannibal.

Hannibal looked up to catch a road sign they zipped by and said as he looked back to see it, "At this rate, maybe 3 seconds."

* * *

"So B.A., exactly what _does_ this woman look like?" Face asked when they pulled the van up at the end of the block and got ready to check out the 20 story high rise.

"You'll know her when you see her, man," was his only response.

"Insofar as I can tell there's just one problem," Hannibal said to B.A., "You told her _we_ were coming, but we've never seen her, she's never met us, how exactly did you describe _us_ to her so she'd _know_ us when she saw us?"

"Well if we're all going in together…" Face started to say, and caught on to what Hannibal was getting at, "Ah…we're _not_ going in together."

"No offense, B.A.," Hannibal said, "But if somebody around here _is_ gunning for us, they're going to spot you a mile away. I think Murdock and Face should go in first because they won't grab as much attention on sight."

"Yeah okay," B.A. said reluctantly, "I guess that'll work."

"She _does_ know it's more than just you coming, doesn't she?" Murdock inquired.

"Good question, Murdock, you _did_ tell us about the rest of us, didn't you, B.A.?" Hannibal asked.

"Of course I did, man," B.A. sounded annoyed, "It's just that I want to see her first and make _sure_ she' alright."

"Well what're we going to do, Hannibal?" Face wanted to know, "The minute _anybody_ sees B.A., I mean they're gonna…"

"On the _other_ hand," Murdock offered, "This _is_ New York, freaks run wild all the time and nobody bats an eye."

B.A. grunted and grabbed Murdock by the collar of his jacket and asked him, "Who you' calling a freak?"

"Uh, somebody else entirely," Murdock replied and raised his hands in a gesture of surrender.

Hannibal pointed up towards the top of the building and said to B.A., "Now you're _sure_ that's the floor she lives on, right?"

"Right."

"Alright," Hannibal said, nodding slowly, rethinking things, "We'll have B.A. go in first, he can probably find Melissa the quickest. Face, you and Murdock are going to go in shortly after disguised as two custodians."

"Aw Hannibal, do I _have_ to be a janitor?" Face asked.

"_Yes_," was the Colonel's response.

"And what're you gonna do, Hannibal?" Murdock asked.

"I'm going to run surveillance out here for a while to make sure nobody's watching the place _or_ you guys, then I'll come in."

"As what, the new cleaning lady?" Face asked.

"Oh," Hannibal's eyes practically sparkled as he answered with a pleased smirk on his face, "I've got something better in mind."


	2. Chapter 2

"You know, Murdock, when Hannibal said we come in as janitors, I really don't think he meant for us to clean anything," Face said. He was sure in the time it had taken for them to stop and do this, that B.A. had already torn apart every apartment on the top floor of the building looking for his girlfriend.

"If we don't, we won't look convincing," Murdock replied as he finished scrubbing the hallway floor on the 8th floor of the complex.

"Hmm, not bad," Face observed as he saw how the tile shone and sparkled, "Do they happen to have latrine duty in the Air Force?"

Murdock loaded up the cleaning cart and he and Face made their way over to the elevator and got in and took it up to the 19th floor to see if B.A. had had any luck in finding Melissa yet.

Face crossed his arms against his chest and asked, "So what do you think, Murdock, still think this _Melissa_ is just a figment of B.A.'s imagination?"

"Well we _still_ haven't seen hide or hair of her yet," Murdock answered, "It's still a possibility."

"Okay, so explain this to me," Face said, "If B.A. _is_ going crazy on us…"

"It's a bit long overdue, don't you think?" Murdock asked.

"Well that's beside the point," Face said, "What would he have to gain by dragging us all the way out here on a wild goose chase?"

"Well that's the beauty of being insane," Murdock told him, "Things cease making sense and that's when they seem the most logical."

"Ah," Face said sarcastically, "That explains everything. Boy you know this sure _is_ a real upscale kind of place. I wonder what kind of people live here?"

"I don't know," Murdock looked up at the red floor number, "I've hardly seen anybody yet."

"I know, I haven't seen anybody yet either, but man this sure is _some_ place. And…the penthouse is completely unoccupied," Face remembered, "Hmmm…"

Whatever he was thinking came to an abrupt halt as they reached the 19th floor and got out of the elevator. They found B.A. down the hall standing outside a door looking frustrated and anxious.

"What's wrong, B.A.?" Face asked.

"She won't answer the door," B.A. said, "I can't hear anything in there either." He pointed to the other apartment doors and added, "I've been banging on every door to see if anybody knows where she is, _nobody's_ home."

Face caught Murdock looking at him and he rolled his eyes and said, "Alright, alright, everybody stand aside," and produced a lock pick from the cuff of his janitor coveralls.

In no time he had the bolt sprung and threw the door wide open, B.A. stepped in and they followed and saw the apartment was a nice, large, cozy looking place that said 'money', not necessarily an overabundance of it, but this was no slum. But there was also no sign of anybody occupying the place. Just to make sure, B.A. checked the kitchen, the bedroom and the bathroom, no sign of _anybody_.

"I don't get it," B.A. said, "Where is she?"

"Maybe she went shopping," Murdock suggested.

"She _knew_ we were coming today," B.A. told the others, "Something's wrong." He took out his walkie talkie and called down to the van, "Hannibal, you see anybody come out of the building?" There was some kind of crackle of static but otherwise no response, B.A. tried again but couldn't raise anything.

"You know," Face said slowly in dread, "This has all the nice makings of a grade A booby trap to catch us."

"Naw, booby traps are for boobs, they'd have to be looking for four other guys," Murdock replied.

B.A. wasn't paying attention to their jibber jabber. "I'll go see what's keeping Hannibal, you guys stay here incase she comes back."

"Oh sure, leave _us_ in the lion's den," Face murmured.

"More like the lion's mouth," Murdock replied as they shed their coveralls and stuffed them in the cleaning cart.

"Well, what do you make of it, Murdock?" Face asked.

"Well," Murdock folded his arms against his chest and glanced around the apartment, "No sign of a struggle, door wasn't tampered with…windows look nice and locked…maybe she had a dentist appointment."

"You know…" Face looked around, "On one hand, it's not polite to look through other people's things."

"That's true," Murdock agreed and nodded his head.

"But then again," Face added in a sly tone, "B.A.'s not here."

"Yeah?"

"There's certainly no woman here," Face told him.

"Yeah."

"So who's going to be the wiser if we do?" Face asked, "At least we could get an idea of who lives here."

"Right on, Faceman," Murdock said, "I like how you think…sometimes."

Murdock made a beeline for the bedroom while Face checked out the contents of the living room. On the coffee table he found paperwork and bills addressed to Melissa Morrison. Well, at least now they had a full name to identify this woman by, ever since B.A. met her all they'd heard was Melissa this and Melissa that, never a Melissa-last name. It sure wasn't often that B.A. had a girlfriend, least of all that they knew about, but Face couldn't recall him having one before that had such an effect on him as this woman apparently did. Murdock describing him as a puddle of pudding hadn't exactly been far off, it was a bit unnerving seeing their big bad Sergeant turn into a giggling boob whenever the thought of this woman came to him. She must've _really_ been something. He sorted through the papers: upcoming dentist exam, insurance premiums, jury duty notice…check that, jury duty cancelation, bill for car service, and a lot of junk mail. He decided to save this woman the trouble whenever she got back and dropped those promptly into the wastebasket.

"Find anything, Murdock?" he asked.

"I sure did," Murdock announced from the bedroom, "But I'm not sure what it means."

"What do you mean what it means?" Face asked.

Murdock came out of the bedroom carrying something on a hanger, it was a brightly colored, long bodied, shimmering dress that looked like it could've fit the two of them together. He held it up next to him in comparison and showed the thigh high slits in the skirt came down towards his knees.

"Sheesh," Face said, "Looks like B.A. got himself a date with the 50 foot woman."

"I wonder where she is?" Murdock asked, "You wouldn't think a woman this size would be hard to find…that'd be like playing hide and seek with Chewbacca."

It was at that moment that they heard a faint sound coming from up above. Both men looked to the ceiling and heard the sound grow louder, a persistent pounding on the floor.

"What's that?" Murdock asked inquisitively.

Before realizing it, Face answered, "Sounds like a pair of spiked heels."

Murdock flashed a look at him that said 'I don't even want to know _how_ you know that', they looked to the ceiling again and headed out to the hall and ran up the stairs to the penthouse. The deadbolt was in place but fortunately the door had been left ajar by a fraction of an inch so they just pushed the door open and went in. The penthouse actually turned out to be a two-story apartment, it took them a few seconds to find the master bedroom up the stairs where the pounding noise was growing persistently louder, and when they did reach the master bedroom, they both came to a dead stop in the doorway.

Tied to a large metal chair and gagged, was a well built black woman in her early 30s in a green dress that accentuated her well toned muscles, who was almost unconscious but her pitch black spiked heels continued to pound weakly against the hard floor in a last ditch effort to be discovered.

"Melissa?" Face asked as they approached her, "Melissa Morrison?" he grabbed the gag in her mouth and yanked it out in one swift pull.

The woman got out an exhausted moan of relief as her head dropped in fatigue. After a couple of heavy breaths, she opened her eyes and saw the two men standing in front of her and asked, "Who're you?"

"I'm Howlin' Mad Murdock, and this is the Faceman," Murdock introduced them.

The woman's eyes perked up slightly, "You're B.A.'s friends. Boy am I glad to see you."

"What happened to you?" Face asked as he set to work untying her hands behind her back.

She let out a grunted laugh and said, "That's a long story, where _is_ B.A.?"

"Oh well he uh…he's downstairs securing the perimeters and everything like that," Murdock said, "He'll be up shortly."

"Securing the perimeters, huh?" Melissa chuckled weakly, "Little late for that."

"Well whoever it was," Face noted, "Sure didn't want you getting loose. Used three sets of ropes. No wonder you couldn't get out."

"Yeah _tell_ me about it," she said, "I've only been trying for three hours."

Murdock got on the floor and set to work untying the ropes that bound her feet together, hoping to God she wasn't ticklish and accidentally kicked him in the face with one of those heels. Already he could tell the angry mudsucker had interesting taste in women. It actually surprised him that she _hadn't_ been able to just break out of here, from the view he had, she looked built like the Incredible Hulk's girlfriend.

"So uh," Face cleared his throat, "Can you tell us _who_ did this to you?"

"I can take a guess," she replied.

"Ah, then you didn't see them?" Murdock looked up.

"No," she answered, "That pesky rule about when you're cracked in the back of the head and subsequently knocked out."

"Point taken," Murdock returned his gaze to the matter at hand of getting her legs free from the ropes. He looked up and considered the awkward position they were _both_ in, and continued to hope that he didn't get his face kicked in, should she mistakenly assume he was trying to look up her skirt.

When the last of the ropes were cut loose, Melissa stood up, and immediately both men felt like they were all of six inches tall. In her heels, she had to be 6'4 at least, out of them she wouldn't be much shorter, around as tall as the two of them, definitely intimidating. It seemed obvious what B.A. must've seen in her: her arms were like two giant pythons, her dress did little to conceal every bulging muscle in her physique; the dress had two slits down the sides revealing her thighs were practically bigger than Face's and Murdock's put together. The part Face couldn't figure out was for her being roughly their height, she was longer bodied than they were, and it seemed longer legged to boot, he didn't get it, but he wasn't going to question it and risk her twisting him into a pretzel.

"Whoo," Murdock quietly murmured in awe, "Hello Treetop."

Face just stood there for a minute with a blank look on his face and his mouth hanging open like an idiot, until Murdock elbowed him and brought him back to the here and now.

"Well uh…" he stammered momentarily, "It's…it…it's nice to finally meet you."

"Yeah well, I would've preferred it being under different circumstances," Melissa replied dismissively.

"Uh…right," Face said, "Well uh…why don't we go see what's keeping B.A.?"

"Fine with me," she said as she stormed out of the penthouse apartment ahead of them.

* * *

"Hannibal, you getting to be as crazy as that fool, Murdock."

"You _always_ say that," Hannibal responded as they stepped in the front doors of the building.

"That's because you' _always_ crazy," B.A. told him, "I can't believe you did that, man. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking…"

Hannibal set a bag down and stopped in front of a mirror on the wall to admire his black wig with oh so slight traces of white here and there, especially around the sideburns, and the bad complexion he'd given himself, complete with a little cheek padding and slight cleft in the chin to make himself all the more convincing, "That we've got a leg up with a little star power. The police think we've gotten the okay with the owner of the building, _and_ the city officials, to film here, and they have to keep the block evacuated until further everybody knows to stay _out_ of the building, and out of our way, unless they want to get sued by half the people in Hollywood."

"Those people were nuts," B.A. said, "You don't look like no movie star."

"That's where you're wrong, B.A.," Hannibal replied, flying high on his ego as both actor and makeup specialist, "Like this, I'm a dead ringer for Robert Vaughn."

"No you ain't," B.A. said.

"Well, everybody out there certainly thought I was," Hannibal answered as they headed up the stairs, "I even signed a few autographs."

"How did you _ever_ pull that one off?" B.A. wanted to know.

Hannibal was trying not to laugh but it spilled out and he was about sick from amusement as he explained, "A few years back when I started doing the rubber monster stunt gigs in Hollywood, Face got work as a gofer to stick close by incase Lynch would drop in on us, you know, go-for this, go-for that…"

"I know what a gofer is," B.A. said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

"Well about 3 years ago," Hannibal explained as they came up to the second floor and headed for the elevator, satisfied that no traps had been set for their arrival thus far, "Face knew the right place to be at when they were making that movie 'Battle Beyond the Stars', got Mr. Vaughn to sign for a special delivery package…he kept the paper and we both tried our hand at recreating his signature, just incase it would ever come in handy. And today it did."

"I still say you as crazy as Murdock," B.A. told him.

"Thanks for noticing," Hannibal said.

"Neither of the radios are working," B.A. said to Hannibal.

Hannibal stopped in mid-step and said, "I thought you said you checked everything before we left."

"I did," B.A. replied.

Hannibal shrugged and continued moving towards the elevator, "A little snafu here and there keeps you on your toes. I'll head up and see what Face and Murdock have found, you wait about…" he checked his watch, "Five minutes, and come up after me."

"What for?" B.A. asked.

"More confusing that way," Hannibal said.

"You can say that again," B.A. told him.

Hannibal got in the elevator and went up, but got off on the 17th floor. If anybody was up there waiting for him, somebody he didn't _want_ waiting for him, he wasn't going to make it easy to just jump out and attack him. Let them scratch their heads while he walked up the last two floors. He took his time, and listened with every step. He could hear muffled voices from up above but couldn't make out who they were or what was being said. He reached into his black jacket and pulled out a gun and got ready as he climbed up the stairs to the 19th floor. The voices had stopped halfway up the stairs, he looked around in every direction as he cautiously made one step up, then another, then another. His foot slipped second step from the top, he grabbed the railing with his free hand and pressed his weight against it. His heart sped up a few extra beats. In the back of his head he flashed on that detective Arboghast in the movie 'Psycho'. That was the real scare of the movie because nobody ever talked about it, so it wasn't expected. White knuckled, he finally let go of the railing and stepped up to the 19th floor, and from there he carefully stepped down the hall, watching and listening for any sign of anything, and there was nothing.

Hannibal came to the end of the hall and just as he started to round the corner, he felt somebody grab his wrist in an iron grip; his arm was jerked straight out to the side and before he could see who his attacker was, he saw a leg swing at him and felt a foot plant itself hard against his stomach and felt his guts and intestines all knock together, and he fell back, and flat on the floor.

"What happened?" Face's voice rang out as footsteps were heard running towards the scene.

"I think she just killed The Man from U.N.C.L.E.," Murdock commented.

Face dropped to his knees to get a better look and said in horror, "It's Hannibal!"

"Who's that?" Melissa asked.

"That's our leader!" Murdock said.

Melissa Morrison did a double take and told them, "I thought he was one of the men that knocked me out."

"Hannibal, you alright?" Face asked as he tried to get the older man's attention.

Hannibal's head was lulled to the side and he seemed to be unconscious, almost, he managed to roll his head to the front again and looked up at his men and asked weakly, "What…happened?"

"Hannibal," Face gestured to the woman standing behind them, "This is B.A.'s girlfriend."

"I see," he weakly responded, his eyes all but closed but he managed a twisted smile up at the large woman and said, "Ah…you…pretty…thing…" then his head jerked to the side again as he threw up and promptly passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

Hannibal's heart pounded in his chest like a war drum at top speed, he felt his chest heave up and down with every couple beats. He forced his eyes open, but it took several quick paced blinks before he was able to keep them open and focus. He was laid out on a bed in one of the apartments, still in his black suit and white dress shirt, but he could feel that somebody had relieved him of his wig and facial latex. He pressed one hand hard into the mattress to push himself up in a sitting position, luckily he managed on the first try. He looked around the room and didn't see anybody. He got to his feet and went to the door, opened the door and stepped out into the living room of the apartment.

"You alright, Hannibal?" Face asked as they got up from the couch.

"Ah…" Hannibal closed his eyes for a second and pressed a hand across his face bit by bit before opening his eyes again and saying, "Yeah…fine…what happened?"

Melissa Morrison stood up, and seeing her at her full height, and build, Hannibal did a double take and turned on his heel, murmuring to himself, "Ah geez." He turned to the front again and asked, "Does the Jolly Green Giant know his girlfriend's missing?"

"Hey, Hannibal," B.A growled, "Watch it."

Hannibal rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Smith, I thought you were one of the goons that have been trying to muscle their way in here," Melissa said to him.

"Yeah, let's…" Hannibal felt his stomach and could tell the area was already bruising up, this woman needed _their_ help? "Let's talk about that…B.A. tells us you're having some kind of trouble, what's that about?"

She looked at him as he sat down in a chair across from them, then to the others, and back at Hannibal and said, "Tell you the truth I don't really know, I just know that something ain't right around here."

"Yeah we couldn't help noticing that for a swanky place like this, it's rather vacant," Face spoke up, "What's that about?"

Melissa explained, "A few days ago everybody got a notice, evacuate immediately: possible gas leak, possible faulty wiring, possible asbestos, possible black mold, possible death rays from Mars," she dryly sprawled on, "Everybody was told they'd be notified when it was safe to return, that was 3 days ago, now how long does it take to _check_ for mold, check for gas, check for anything?"

"But you suspected something was wrong before that," Hannibal deduced based on the timeline, the simple fact that they'd only set out to find her 3 days ago.

"Yeah," she answered, "Weird things have been going on in this building, things that don't make much sense, and I don't believe in ghosts."

"What kinda things, Melissa?" B.A. asked.

"Three people in this building almost fell to their deaths last week because the elevator wouldn't come to the right floor," she explained, "The doors opened and nobody _looks_ before stepping in, they almost fell down the shaft."

"The elevator worked fine today," Face said.

"Because nobody's here," Melissa told him.

"What else?" Murdock asked, genuinely intrigued.

She looked completely helpless as she tried to explain, and got stuck before she could even speak, it was obvious she didn't expect anybody to believe what she was going to say, "This building has a night guard assigned to it, or _did_, you know, make sure nobody comes in who doesn't belong, make sure nobody vandalizes the hallways or the elevators or anything, that kind of stuff. This place is pretty prestige and so are most of the residents, so the city decided they're worth the extra security."

"Yeah," Hannibal said.

"The last two walked off the job," Melissa said, "A couple of grown men who said their nerves couldn't put up with what happened during the nights."

"Like what?" Face wanted to know.

Melissa shook her head and gestured helplessly as she explained, "Things falling down the stairs by themselves, windows opening when there's nobody there, doors slamming by themselves."

"Sounds like poltergeists to me," Murdock said.

"Shut up, fool," B.A. warned him.

"It sounds like a rerun of Scooby Doo to me," Face added.

"It's more than that, lights go out randomly, the furnace and air conditioning kick on at the wrong times at full blast, security cameras go out, the closed circuit TV on the main floor cuts out…"

"That sounds like an electrical problem," Face said.

"It sounds," Hannibal replied, "Like somebody's trying to scare you out of here."

"Oh they are," Melissa told him, "But not by making the place seem haunted. The elevator was a subtle threat. A sign."

"Like what, 'Repent, the end is near'?" Murdock asked.

"Shut up, fool," B.A. grumbled.

"Uh, how about 'Severe tire damage'?" Murdock asked, "…'No trucks'? Ah…'Hospital Zone', right?"

"The other day, I got curious and came back…there were no trucks from the city, no working crews, I came up back to my apartment, and I could hear people talking through the air vent in the floor. I couldn't make out any names but whoever it was, I heard them talk about making sure everybody's out of the building and _stays_ out. I've been laying low here since, but this morning they found out I was still here…I was knocked out, and the rest is history."

"Hmm," Hannibal was thinking, "Have you got any idea what it's all about?"

Melissa shook her head, "I moved in here about 3 years ago, I don't know who lived here before that, I don't know half of the people living here now…"

"What about the building?" Hannibal asked, "What do you know about it?"

"Well it's over 30 years old," she said, "It's taken a while for some of the stuff around here to get renovated with the newer technological advances."

"It's not going to be torn down, is it?" Hannibal asked.

"Hardly."

"Okay, so we can eliminate the possibility there's a dead body in the pillars somebody doesn't want anybody to find out about," Hannibal said.

"Is he serious?" Melissa asked B.A.

"With Hannibal?" B.A. asked, "Who knows?"

"Has anybody made an offer to buy, or sell the building?" Hannibal asked.

"You'd have to check that with the owner, but as far as I'm aware, no," Melissa answered.

"So that leaves the possibility they're looking for something they think is here, but what?" Face asked.

"That's a good question," Melissa said, "I've been over most of it myself and I haven't been able to find anything."

"How about the basement?"

"I've been down there, I couldn't find anything anybody would want down there."

"What about the penthouse upstairs?" Hannibal asked.

"That's where they were holding me," she said, "I didn't see anything but I can't account for the time I was unconscious."

"Hey Hannibal," B.A. spoke up, "When we catch this dude I'm gonna stomp on him, mash his head to the carpet and I'm gonna break his legs off."

Melissa reached over and patted B.A. on the chest and said, "That's what I like about you, B.A., you're all _heart_."

Under her touch, B.A. seemed to melt, he tried to casually chuckle at her comment but instead it turned into a high pitched giggle, which he promptly swallowed and said to her, "Well you know, I try."

Face and Murdock looked at each other with rolled eyes and twisted smirks just about to bust loose laughing.

"So that leaves a few possibilities we have to consider," Hannibal said, and realized, "Where is everybody? There was nobody here when we came, the whole building's quiet, where did they go?"

"Got me," Melissa said, "If I had to guess I'd say whatever they were looking for, either they haven't found it or they found _part_ of it and are coming back for the rest. Everything they've made happen to try and drive people out of here, you don't do all that _just_ to get everyone out for a few days."

"What kind of people live here? Do you know that?" Hannibal asked her.

"The kind who can afford to live here," she said, "That's about all."

"How do you afford it?" Murdock asked.

"Murdock," Hannibal chided.

"Actually," Melissa gave a small embarrassed laugh at the sudden question, "I don't like talking about that, if it's alright with you."

"Well we can understand that, but it's _not_ alright with us," Hannibal said, "We need to know everything about a client before we work for them."

B.A. was starting to growl, but Melissa put her hand on his shoulder to get his attention and she said, "I guess that was to be expected…I was the only grandchild when my grandfather died, he was a millionaire, he willed his money to me."

"Ah, an heiress," Face murmured softly, several ideas already roaming around in his head.

"Hey Face," B.A. scowled at him, "Whatever you're thinking of you better stop thinking it or I'm gonna beat them thoughts right out of your head."

"Wouldn't dream of it, B.A.," Face replied.

"Not without stipulations," Melissa told them, "I didn't _move_ here, this apartment _was_ my grandfather's, his will stated I have to live here for 5 years to collect my full inheritance, he never bothered to explain why, not to his lawyer, or to anyone else, but his attorney's making full certain to hold me to it."

"You mean you can't move out?" Face asked.

"There's no opposition to me owning other property, or living in it short term," Melissa said, "But the old man said I had to stay _here_ primarily for 5 years and keep it in good condition, otherwise the money's turned over to another benefactor."

"Who's that?" Murdock asked.

"The United States Army."

"Excuse me?" Face asked.

"Grandpa was always a weird one," Melissa explained, "He apparently got it in his head if I proved unworthy of the money, that it could benefit Uncle Sam's boys while they're serving over in Palestine or some place like that."

"Did it ever occur to you that there's a reason he forced you to stay here?" Hannibal asked.

Melissa shook her head, "It _can't_ be because there's something here he wants me to find…I spent the first 6 months tearing the place up and putting it back together, brick by brick, floorboard by floorboard, there's _nothing_. He was just an old kook."

"And yet somebody wants everybody out of this building," Hannibal said, "Why? What are they looking for?"

"I wish I knew," she replied, "Could put an end to all this insanity long before now."

"Well, what we know already and what we can deduce is that whoever's doing it, clearly isn't anybody too big and powerful," Hannibal said.

"How do you know that?" Melissa asked.

"Because," Hannibal said, "We've already cleared with some of the local law enforcement that this building is off limits."

"Because Hannibal fooled them into thinking he's a rich and powerful actor," B.A. rolled his eyes.

"They ate it up with a spoon…so whoever's pulling the strings around here apparently doesn't have the local police department paid off…otherwise they'd march in here and all up and down the place happy as they please, show off their faces, drop their names, to show they have no fear of the authorities. But they're hiding, meaning they don't have that card up their sleeve."

"A rarity for our cases," Face acknowledged.

"And whoever it is, is clearly working largely alone, because nobody said one word to us about the building even being evacuated, no gas leak, no black mold, no anything, they had no qualms about us filming in here," Hannibal continued, "So this is all a very cleverly orchestrated plan by a small few with no favors to call in from the city officials or the city's public servants."

"Which should help us some, but not much," Face added.

"We've got some work to do, and _fast_ if we want to figure anything out before they come back," Hannibal said as he stood up, "Let's get started."

The others stood up as well, Melissa stepped around the coffee table and clapped her hand hard on Hannibal's shoulder and said to him, "This isn't any of my business, but don't you think you should change your clothes first, James Bond?"

Hannibal looked down at his clothes and hesitantly complied, "Might be a good idea. B.A., where's that bag I brought when we came in?"

"Down on the first floor," B.A. answered.

"Well get it," he said, "Murdock, you start checking out the penthouse, see if you find anything, Face, you take the basement."

"The _basement_?" Face repeated in disgust.

"Yes, the basement," B.A. said gruffly.

"Okay," Face gave in.

"Since the evacuation notices told everybody they were testing for mold, a gas leak, whatever, that means the apartments were left unlocked so they could all be checked for the source of the problem, which means we can check them out and see if anything that was left behind can tell us something, or give us any idea what kind of people we're dealing with."

Melissa stood back and watched them move around the room and she said to Hannibal, "You guys are a regular 3 ring circus, aren't you?"

"Believe it or not, that's not the first time I've heard that," he replied.

"What should I do?" she asked him.

Hannibal looked around to make sure B.A. was gone, and he was, as were the others, and he said to Melissa, "Look, there's no polite way to say this, if you want something to do, either get out of the building, or just figure out how to stay out of our way, there's no work around here for a woman."

He walked past Melissa and two seconds later he felt his arm in an iron vise as it was jerked high up behind his back in a death grip.

"What was that?" she asked him casually.

Hannibal felt the muscles in his arm about to tear and managing to hold back a groan, he amended, "I said…you can help us." Melissa let go of him, and putting a few feet of distance between them, he turned around and grabbed his arm and said, "You said there's a closed circuit TV downstairs, see if it's working, see if there's anybody around that we don't know about, let us know if anybody comes."

"Fine."

"Miss Morrison," Hannibal called to her, "Exactly _how_ is it that you and B.A. met?"

"It was at a wrestling event," she answered.

"Ah-huh, competing were you?" Hannibal asked. To his own surprise he just about jumped when she made a move towards him, raising his hands in surrender he said as he scurried back towards the bedroom, "Alright, alright, I'm going…incidentally you don't mind if I change my clothes in here, do you?"

"Don't touch anything," she told him.

"Right," he said as he opened the door and stepped in.

"Hey," Melissa walked over to the door and stuck her head in.

"Yeah?" Hannibal asked as he shed his jacket.

"Don't take anything either," she told him.

A weird one, Hannibal said to himself as he unbuttoned his shirt, somehow he had the feeling this would prove one of their more interesting missions. He caught his reflection in her full length mirror as he pulled his shirt open, his stomach was already black and purple in spots from where she'd kicked him, a fine impression of her heel dented in his flesh. He guessed he should be thankful she didn't perforate him with those spiked heels. Brother. Most of the women Hannibal had known over the years would do well to hold their own against a lightweight, but this crazy chick? Why she'd need anybody's help was beyond him…but then he remembered, Maiden Marian was just as skilled in bow and arrow and in swords as Robin Hood, but even she could only do so much when it was a fight of 5 to 1. And to go through a building this size to find something, it was a very safe bet they were dealing with far more than just five criminal lowlifes here. So the question remained…where _were_ they?

So far it had been a very interesting story that actually did sound believable because it was just about too ridiculous to be made up, and yet…there was something about his whole thing that Hannibal didn't trust. Maybe it was just the bruising on his abdomen, but he had a gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach about this case. Something about that _woman_…Hannibal knew his men, knew they all had good heads on their shoulders, screwed down tight, okay so maybe Murdock's wasn't on _so_ tight…all the same, they generally had the sense to know when a skirt was a trap, though Face usually had the _most_ trouble making that distinction. But B.A., they didn't come any more level headed than that man, in spite of his choice of appearance, and his rotten attitude, that he could possibly be conned into something by a woman was mind blowing.

Then again…now Hannibal's stomach really started to turn, B.A. _did_ have a soft spot, for children _and_ women. He didn't think that his Sergeant liked to think women were capable of being deceitful, manipulative works of evil, not of their own volition; if they were strong armed into being with a guy who was like that, sure, or tricked into being with them, but on their own…none of the guys on the Team _liked_ to think that way, but history showed it was not only true, but common. A little fact they tended to forget in time, the way society rewrote history and wiped out all the strong, powerful, assertive, violent and even barbaric women: time had taken the sword and the bow and arrow out of Marian's hands and stuck her in a tower waiting for Robin Hood to rescue her like Rapunzel. Real life had done the same butchering rewrite of women in history; the soldiers and snipers and bomber pilots and vigilantes had all been wiped out with a bottle of White-Out and replaced with images of idle, sedate, seen and not heard women in long gowns and bustles, bonnets and crowns, who stood back at their loom or the stove or with a baby, while the men were the conquerors and heroes. It was no wonder the whole world was so confused by the time the history books were reprinted. And all of that said, he was starting to have a lot of thoughts about this woman, and not all of them good. The problem was he knew just how hazardous it would be to his health to bring any of this up with his Sergeant, so he was just going to have to keep an eye on things for himself.


	4. Chapter 4

"Check the basement, he says," Face grumbled to himself, "See what you can find, he says…what the hell am I even supposed to be looking for?"

So far Face had done a good job of searching the basement, but all he'd found so far was the furnace, the water heater, the water softener, and a lot of taped up boxes kept down there for storage.

"20 stories to this whole building," he whined, "A deluxe penthouse right on top, and _I_ get stuck sifting through the soot and excelsior down here in the filthy basement, I don't…"

He heard a noise above his head and immediately shut up. He remembered what Melissa had said about hearing people talking through the air vents, so he listened to see if he could decipher what was being said on one of the floors above him.

"_We ain't found it yet, boss."_

"_You better, or you're dead men."_

"_We've already torn apart half of this building."_

"_Then tear apart the other half!"_

Sounded like a regular vaudeville duo to Face. He wondered what floor that was on? With the radios out he couldn't warn Hannibal or the others. He crouched down by the furnace and found some tools left scattered on the floor by the maintenance man; he found a particularly large wrench he liked and started to think. Hmmmm…he wondered if beating on the furnace pipes would reach up to the air vents, and if so, who would be the first to hear? The guys? Or _those_ guys? If the intruders were on a lower floor, they might get down here first, and he could knock them out, and if they were on a lower floor, and his guys heard the noise at the same time, they might catch sight of the crooks on their way down the stairs, then they'd have everybody right where they wanted them. On the other hand, what if the bad guys were on a floor above and caught the Team as they came out to investigate? Maybe he'd just work his way up and find out where everybody was hiding.

Wait a minute, Face froze in midstep as something occurred to him. The maintenance man didn't leave the tools down there. He remembered what Melissa said about the hot and cold air coming on at random times, so then that meant…but wait, there was something else he remembered. When he'd asked if Melissa knew who knocked her out, she said she could guess, but upstairs she'd told Hannibal she had no idea who the men forcing everyone out were, never even seen them. And then something else…she'd also said that _she_ had been down here, meaning she would've seen the tools laying around…_or_ that she was the one that put them out to make them _think_ somebody had been tinkering with the furnace…something wasn't adding up, and he didn't like the way it looked for any of them.

He took the basement steps as quietly as he could, he didn't want to draw any attention to himself _just_ yet. Reaching the first floor, his eyes scanned the whole area for any sign of life, none, perfect. He took the stairs to the second floor, checked around again, nobody, beautiful. Two stories down, only 17 more to go, _swell_. Face rolled his eyes and made his way up to the third floor. Before he could start up the next flight of stairs, he heard somebody coming _down_ them, so he ducked into one of the apartments, before he could even check to make sure there wasn't anybody in there. He closed the door and listened to the footsteps pass him, and he let out a small sigh of relief, and then a shocked YELP as he felt somebody grab his arm.

"Do not move," a voice said to him, "I will turn on the light for you."

The lights flicked on and Face saw who it was gripping his wrist.

"Murdock!"

"Shhh," Murdock whispered.

"What's going on?" Face asked.

"I don't know," Murdock replied, "But I can't find Hannibal or B.A. anywhere."

"Where's Melissa?"

Murdock shook his head, "I can't find her either."

"Oh well isn't that just _ducky_?" Face asked, "Now _everybody's_ missing!"

"Not everybody," Murdock replied, "You hear that ruckus going on upstairs?"

"I heard it in the basement, and look what I found by the furnace," Face held the wrench out.

"Ah, perfect!" Murdock took it from him and slapped it against his palm, "Let's go find out who's behind this and split their heads open like melons."

"Careful, Murdock," Face told him, "_You're_ starting to sound more like B.A."

Murdock nodded his head towards the door and said only, "Come on, Faceman."

They moved towards the stairs and worked their way up, all the while keeping their senses alert for the slightest hint there was another person anywhere in the immediate vicinity. They managed to get up to the 19th floor with no trouble, but also without making any contact with Hannibal or B.A. But when they reached Melissa's apartment they found the place empty again. Face smacked himself in the head repeatedly, Murdock held onto the wrench and shushed Face with his free hand as they heard sounds from the penthouse again. Face just about fell to the floor in a fit at having to climb up _another_ flight of stairs, but he followed Murdock up for the last time and they found the door closed.

"Next time we take a client," Face said to Murdock as they reached the door, "Let's find somebody with a ranch house."

He grabbed the knob and turned it, and told Murdock, "It's locked again."

"Still got your lock pick?" Murdock asked.

"Forget that," Face said, and kicked the door open.

The two men stepped in, and froze just past the doorway when they saw Melissa standing by the couch, with a gun in her hand and aimed right at them.

"Ah geez," Face whined, "All that's missing is for me to be in my underwear and this would make the perfect nightmare."

Melissa lowered her gun and let out a shaky sigh of relief and said, "I thought you were somebody else."

Face turned to Murdock and said, "I'm getting the weirdest sensation of déjà vu."

"What happened?" Murdock asked Melissa.

Melissa explained at a rate twice as fast as the usual talker, "Hannibal told me to check the closed circuit TV at the front security desk downstairs, I saw some suits roaming around in the halls, I tried getting hold of B.A., I couldn't get him, I tried contacting Hannibal, I couldn't get him either, so I came back upstairs, and I couldn't find _anybody_."

"Yeah that seems to be contagious today," Face grumbled, "But what're you doing up _here_?"

"I came up here to look for the guys, and one of the suits came up and tried to muscle his way in here, so I slammed the door on him, he tried pushing his way in so I locked him out."

"Okay, where'd you get the gun from?" Face asked.

Melissa raised the gun again and held it near her shoulder and said, "Found it lying on the inn table."

"Is it loaded?" Murdock asked innocently.

"Of course it's loaded," Melissa told him, "Nobody would be dumb enough to leave an unloaded gun around."

"They would if they didn't want you being able to use it," Face said.

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

"Uh oh," Murdock said.

Slowly, the two men turned around and saw a man in a black suit and trench coat who looked like he stepped straight out of the Mafia, with a gun pointed right at them.

"Alright, all of you, get over there," he gestured towards the wall with his gun.

Murdock and Face raised their hands high above their heads and moved over towards the opposite wall with Melissa; they were positioned so she was on one side of Face and Murdock was on the other.

"Drop that gun," the man told Melissa, and cocked his own.

Melissa let go of the gun and it fell straight on Face's foot, he managed to restrain from yelling in pain though he grumbled and gritted his teeth.

The man switched his aim towards Murdock and added, "Drop that wrench."

Murdock complied, dropping it on Face's other foot and getting another grunting, gritted teeth response from the Lieutenant.

"Who _are_ you?" Melissa asked him.

The man looked between 35 and 40, he was built thick like a brick house, he had short, stringy black hair, a square jaw, actually he looked like he could roll with the goons from the Dick Tracy comics.

"Name's Rizelli, and my boss ain't gonna be happy to see you people hanging 'round here," he said.

"Well if that's the problem, we'll just leave," Murdock said.

"Shut up," Rizelli aimed his gun straight for Murdock's stomach.

"Okay," Murdock tucked his chin down to his chest.

"You," Rizelli told Melissa, "Get over here, or your friends get it."

"They're _not_ my friends," she said.

Rizelli readjusted his aim for Face, Melissa lowered her hands so they were level with her head and complied, "Alright, alright," and walked over towards the man.

"Not here, sweetheart," he told her, "Over on the couch."

Melissa looked over to the couch, and then back at Rizelli and told him, "You're sick, you know that?"

"Move it," he told her.

"If you're gonna shoot me, I prefer to stand," she said.

"Just keep moving," Rizelli forced her over towards the couch, "You and me are gonna have a nice private talk."

"Private, with them here?" Melissa pointed to Face and Murdock.

"Sit down," he told her.

Melissa sat down and kept her hands by her head where he could see them.

"Put your hands down," he said.

She did, and she didn't move an inch as he sat down beside her and seemed to put as little space between them as was possible.

Over at the wall, Murdock and Face watched as somebody approached the door and saw it was B.A., they said nothing but pointed frantically over towards the couch, and it looked like B.A. was going to hit the ceiling. Instead, he walked right in and said to Rizelli, "That's my woman, dead man!" and before Rizelli could do anything, Melissa knocked the gun out of his hand, and B.A. grabbed the man and swung him clear over his head and got ready to throw him.

"That's perfect, B.A.!" Murdock said as they came forth, and Murdock was putting his hands together like a director looking for a proper camera angle as he added, "Perfect, throws him against the wall, and he stomps on his head and mashes his face."

"Well now I just can't leave you kids alone for a _minute_, can I?" they heard Hannibal ask from the doorway.

They turned and saw Hannibal standing in the door, his usual smirking self, though they noticed he looked like he'd been roughed over, his grayish/white hair, short though it was, stuck up in some parts, his face was smeared with dirt on one side, as were his clothes.

"What happened to you, Hannibal?" Face asked.

He said to Melissa, "Remember what you said about that malfunctioning elevator?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Yeah well," Hannibal grunted, "Somebody decided I needed the grand tour of that vacant shaft, four floors _straight_ down."

"Are you alright, Colonel?" Murdock asked.

"I need a new pair of gloves," Hannibal said, "Otherwise I'm fine. I got lucky, that rope's more enduring than it looks, came to a stop _just_ before I hit the bottom." He saw B.A. holding Rizelli up in the air and asked, "B.A., you want to let him down before you strain your back?"

"You kidding, Hannibal?" B.A. asked, "My gold chains weigh more than this fool."

"_I'll_ believe that," Face murmured to Murdock.

"Hey Hannibal," B.A. said, maintaining an overhead hold on Rizelli, "This the fool that knocked you down the shaft?"

Hannibal got a look at the man and said, "Well, admittedly I didn't get much chance to see his face, but…it could be."

"That's it, I'm gonna break every bone in your body _twice_, sucker," B.A. told Rizelli.

"B.A.," Hannibal said, "Put him down."

B.A. turned to Hannibal with a grunting 'huh?' look on his face. Hannibal repeated, slowly, calmly, "Put-him-down."

"Hey Hannibal," B.A. told him, "This fool try putting the moves on my woman at gunpoint, ain't no way I'm letting him go."

"He's not getting away, put-him-down, B.A.," Hannibal calmly ordered the larger man.

B.A. growled and grumbled, but complied, and put Rizelli down and his feet back on the floor. Hannibal got right up next to Rizelli and said to him, "Now, I'm sure we can come to a reasonable understanding about," before Hannibal got the word "this" out, he clocked Rizelli in the face with a swift left hook and watched as the man fell back.

"Ooh! I wanna turn, I wanna turn," Murdock said as he practically hopped over to the scene and took a turn punching Rizelli in his face.

"I'm next," Face said as he came up behind Murdock and gave Rizelli a square right jab and sent him reeling back against the wall.

Melissa looked at Rizelli's gun that she still held in her hand, she tossed it on the couch and went over to the others and said, "I'm done playing games," and instead of punching him in the face like everybody else, she grabbed one wrist with her opposite hand, drew her arm back and rammed one large, sharp elbow full force between his stomach and his chest. Rizelli got the wind knocked out of him and his head dropped down, so Melissa was able to reach up with her free hand and give him a good chop straight on the neck.

"Alright, that's enough," Hannibal said as he walked up to Rizelli and grabbed him tight by the collar of his coat. "Alright, pal, now let's get something straight here and now, who's your boss?"

Rizelli looked Hannibal up and down and looked at the man gripping him by the neck as if he didn't believe Hannibal was actually there. After a few seconds of an unusual silence, the man said in a stage whisper, "Michael Crenna, if you don't know the name, you _will_ soon enough."

Hannibal looked at Rizelli for a minute before turning his head slightly to the side and said, "B.A., put this guy on ice," and promptly let go of the man's coat.

B.A. came up behind Hannibal and with one swift move, knocked Rizelli into unconsciousness, a quick but not painless experience.

"Oof," Murdock grimaced, "He's gonna feel that one for sure when he wakes up."

"Who's Michael Crenna?" Hannibal asked Melissa.

She looked him dead in the eyes as she answered, "A troublemaker, some small time hood who thinks he's the Godfather or something. Like you said, he doesn't have the money or the political influence to actually call in favors with people, but he doesn't let that stop him."

"So how do _you_ know him?" Face turned away from their guest and towards her.

"Oh _everybody_ around here knows him," she explained, "Rather they know him well enough _not_ to know him. Everything he touches, dies."

"Where'd he get the finances to put his little gang together?" Hannibal asked.

Melissa shrugged and replied, "I imagine from selling drugs, last I checked that _was_ one of the largest corners on the criminal market."

"I see," Hannibal said, "So what're the odds he's right here in the building as we speak?"

"He's hands-on, bets don't come much safer," Melissa told him.

"Then I guess we ought to lay out the welcome mat for him," Face said.

"Alright," Hannibal paused and squeezed his eyes shut momentarily as he pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to think, "First thing's first."

"And what's that?" Murdock asked.

Hannibal opened his eyes, looked to Melissa and told her, "Sit down."

"What?"

"Do it, sit down," he told her.

Melissa shrugged but sat down on a chair by the couch. "Now what?"

"Lift up your feet," Hannibal said.

Melissa did, Hannibal went over to her, felt along the bottom of her shoes, and then grabbed the heel on one and snapped it off, and before anybody could even realize it, he grabbed the other heel and broke it off too.

"There," he said as he tossed the spiked heels on the floor, "Now if we get into a close knit fight, we won't have to worry about any friendly fire puncturing anything of ours."

"Very funny," Melissa dryly remarked as she stood up.

"I already got them in the gut once today," Hannibal said, "I'm not taking a chance next time you miscalculate and one of them jabs me in the skull."

"Or _me_," Face said.

"Yeah," Murdock agreed, "Faceman's got enough holes in his head already, he don't need his ears pierced."

Face turned and scowled at him.

"Uh," Murdock raised his hand like a student, "How will we know this guy Crenna when we see him, what's he look like?"

"Like that," Melissa pointed to the door.

The guys turned and saw another man standing at the door with a gun drawn on them.

"Okay everybody, assume the position," Hannibal said, and promptly reached for the sky.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: This chapter's a bit shorter than the rest, hopefully everybody will enjoy it regardless.

This man was built slightly larger and taller than Rizelli, even his face was built larger than Rizelli's. He may have been the same age as the unconscious man but if that were true, time was being kinder to _this_ guy. His eyes were light blue and cold, he had short sandy brown hair, was dressed in a dark blue suit, and his gun that was pointed at them looked twice the caliber of Rizelli's.

"So you're Crenna," Hannibal said lightly.

"That's right," the man said with an exaggerated look on his face, like a sarcastic portrayal of him being amazed at Hannibal's acknowledgement, before it returned to a sour bulldog demeanor and he asked, "And who the hell are you?"

"We're the new Avon ladies," Face said calmly.

Crenna took two steps over towards Face and pistol whipped him. Face managed to remain standing but he swayed from side to side a bit and groaned.

"Try again," Crenna said, and he took a step away from Face, and stepped over towards Murdock.

"Would you believe encyclopedia salesmen?" Murdock asked.

"No," Crenna said sharply.

Murdock shook his head, "Me either, I _hate_ encyclopedia salesmen."

"Shut up."

Crenna beat Murdock upside his head with the gun, Murdock started to go down on his knees but managed to pull himself back up and groaned as well. The man was oblivious to B.A.'s low animalistic growling. The Sergeant started to move towards the man, but Melissa moved for him to stop, lest that only make things worse for them than they already were.

Crenna worked his way over to Hannibal and said to him, "Your turn, make it good."

Hannibal took his time to answer and absentmindedly pulled a cigar out of his pocket and asked Crenna as he held his other hand out, "Got a match?"

"No," he said in the same tone he had with Murdock.

"Ehh…" Hannibal tossed his cigar to the side then and asked Crenna, "Did you ever see that movie 'Stunt Squad'?"

"No," Crenna said and shook his head sharply.

"Too bad, good movie," Hannibal said with a slight nod, "And you, pal, might just consider us an Americanized version of them. You do what _we_ say, and you'll live, but we're not going to guarantee you won't get hurt. Now just suppose you tell us what's going on here? And I would advise you, Mr. Crenna, that we've had a long, uncomfortable, unpleasant journey to get out here, and we've already been through a lot today alone, so I suggest you make it good."

Crenna didn't respond at first. Then out of nowhere, he kneed Hannibal so he doubled over, and when he did Crenna beat him in the back of the head with his gun.

"Hey sucker!" B.A. got past the others, came up behind Crenna and put him in a headlock that also became a struggle for the gun. Crenna tried to keep his grip on it, but B.A. was ready to rip his whole arm off if necessary to get the gun away from him, but Melissa came up to assist instead. She went down on one knee and using Rizelli's gun, used it to bash Crenna's foot with. Crenna screamed and just about dropped his gun during the struggle, but not quite, so Melissa hit his other foot with the gun as well, and that did the trick. Down the gun went, and she grabbed it up and held it on him instead of Rizelli's smaller gun, which she tossed towards the back of the apartment.

"You guys alright?" she asked the others.

"I think so," Murdock said as he yanked his baseball cap off and rubbed his head, he would swear he could feel more lumps up there than usual, "You alright, Faceman?"

"Nothing my dentist can't fix," Face said as he pressed his fingers around his jaw.

Hannibal on the other hand was on his knees, doubled over with his head on the floor as well, groaning like he had a gut full of razor blades, both arms wrapped over his head. Face and Murdock moved towards him and knelt down at his side to see what happened.

"Hannibal, you alright?" Murdock asked.

Hannibal groaned and grunted, before turning his head to the side, throwing up again and dropping flat on the floor, unconscious.

"If this don't stop soon," Murdock said, "He's gonna finally lose that 10 pounds."

"Never mind that!" Face told him. Before they moved him, he decided to check and see if there were any visible signs of trauma to Hannibal's head.

"Is he alright?" Melissa asked, not daring to take her eyes off their current captive for more than a couple seconds at a time, in spite of the choke hold B.A. currently had him in.

"No blood," Face observed, he had to dig through Hannibal's hair to actually locate the older man's scalp. There was a pink welt in the skin where the gun had hit him, "Nothing I can see anyway, all the same we'd better get him to a doctor as soon as possible."

"Unfortunately that's one type of people we _don't_ have in this building," Melissa said.

"Not that it would matter anyway," Murdock replied, "They'd all be evacuated as well."

"Come on, Murdock, help me get him up," Face said.

"Shouldn't be as hard as lugging the Angry Mudsucker around on and off planes," Murdock commented.

"Say what?" B.A. asked, never loosening his grip on Crenna's neck, and growled, "I _knew_ it, I_ knew_ it, I _knew_ you guys're always knocking me out and putting me on a plane!"

"Well you're right, there, are you happy now?" Face asked.

Hannibal groaned as they pulled him to his feet.

"How ya doing, Colonel?" Murdock asked.

Hannibal grumbled something but it never got past his closed lips. Face put his weight against Hannibal's side to keep the man upright, and asked him, "How many fingers am I holding up, Hannibal?"

Hannibal fixed his eyes open and looked at the three fingers Face had extended, but instead of answering, or even trying to, he just got a goofy grin on his face and let out a sickening laugh of hysteria.

"Oh boy," Murdock sounded worried, "He's just plain sick."

"Yeah," Face grumbled, "I think you might be onto something there, Murdock."

"So now what do we do?" Melissa asked.

"We gotta get him out of here," Face said, "What's the fastest way we can get down to the ground floor without bumping into anybody else?"

Melissa pointed to the window, "20 floors _straight_ down."

"How about Door Number 2?" Murdock asked.

"Somebody's gotta run interference," B.A. said, "And whoever _don't_ do it gotta get Hannibal outta here."

"Right," Murdock said, and said to Face, "The Big Guy and I can take on the rest of these goons."

"What about this daffodil?" Melissa nodded her head towards Crenna.

"Very simple," Face said nonchalantly, "We just knock him out and tie him up and he can join his friend on the floor."

"I get the impression you've done this before," she said knowingly.

"Well," Face shrugged, "Once or twice maybe."

Murdock merely snorted in response.

B.A. kept a tight hold on Crenna, but not enough that the man had given way to unconsciousness, yet. Though his face and neck had turned a few nice shades of pink, then red, then purple, but he was still conscious and upright. Crenna started to struggle in B.A.'s hold and started yelling something none of them understood.

"Ehh _shaddup_," Face told him.

But Crenna wouldn't listen, and he continued to yell in some kind of gibberish they couldn't make out.

"Can't you shut him up?" Melissa asked.

"Eh..." Face started to reach in his jacket for a handkerchief to stick in Crenna's mouth, but he thought better of it and turned to Melissa and asked her, "You wouldn't happen to have any used gym socks laying around we could use, would you?"

"What's he saying, anyway?" B.A. asked.

"I don't know," Melissa said, "But it almost sounds like..."

In the very next second, Face felt somebody hit him in the back of the head and he went down like a ton of bricks. A couple seconds after that, there was some kind of explosion in the penthouse.

* * *

An undetermined amount of time later, it might have been seconds, it might have been minutes, it felt like hours, one by one the A-Team all started to come around and started to pick themselves up off the floor.

"What was that?" Face asked weakly as he started to move.

"I don't know," Murdock replied, "Maybe a flash grenade."

"That's a dirty trick," Face winced, "But what hit me in the head?"

"I didn't get a good look," Murdock said.

"B.A., you okay?" Face asked as he pushed up on his hands to stand up.

B.A. grunted and replied, "Yeah man I'm okay, how 'bout you, Murdock?"

Murdock was making a bunch of low sounds as he got up but he answered, "Nothing a little electroshock can't fix…how 'bout you, Hannibal?"

Hannibal got to his feet and pressed his wrist against the back of his head and said with a pained sneer, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Hannibal, you okay?" Face asked.

Hannibal opened his eyes confusedly and said, "I think I just answered that."

"No," Face went over to him, "You were knocked in the head, we've got to get you to a doctor."

"I don't need a doctor," Hannibal told him.

"Hannibal, you might have a concussion."

"I know that," he told his Lieutenant adamantly, "I've worked with a concussion before, I can again."

"Maybe _you_ can, but _we_ can't," Face replied, "It's bad enough you hardly make any sense in your plans as it is."

Hannibal grunted and said in response, "My plans _always_ make sense."

"To _you_," Face said.

Hannibal nodded, "Exactly."

Murdock screaming like a madman got everybody's attention, and made Face want to jump to the ceiling initially.

"What is it, Murdock?" Hannibal turned towards the pilot.

And he found out, as did the others, looking around they realized there were only four of them in the room, Crenna, and Melissa were both gone.


End file.
